This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
