I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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