she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
