I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
