the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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