I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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