You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
