I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
