My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
