he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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