You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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