It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
