I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
