does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
