I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
