Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
