two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
