ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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