1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
