I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
