That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
