oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
