We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
