just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
