...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
