Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
