I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
