his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
