Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
