doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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