my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
