just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
