do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
