I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
