i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
