How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
