there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
