you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
