we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
