This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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