woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
