I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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