Jerry, you need to find god
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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