I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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