You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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