Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
