Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
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I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
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Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize