It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
