Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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