We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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