Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
