got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
