I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
