So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
