It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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