His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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