Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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