He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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