you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
