uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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