this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
