OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
