So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
