no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
