i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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