We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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