Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
