apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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