this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
