Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
