what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
This house was built for laser tag.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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