Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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