so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
