don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
