A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
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