so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
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I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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