Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
