laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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