I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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