Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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