no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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